Is it okay for a Christian to feel sexy?
Sexy simply means sexually attractive or exciting. If we tie that word to the world’s idea of sexy we may become offended by its use, but there is nothing wrong with a Christian woman feeling sexually attractive or excited about her husband. In fact, I think it should be encouraged.
God established that a man and woman should marry and become one. That one includes sexual intimacy. We live real lives with real problems and being able to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with our husband takes work. If we want to ensure that part of our relationship is as healthy as other parts we need to find a way to talk, read, and write about how to have a healthy sex life within marriage.
What is Sexy?
If we try to mesh the world’s idea of sexy with our Christian walk we will have a hard time putting the two together. According to author Gaye Wheat we will enjoy sex more if we feel that our appearance is at its best. This means feeling sexy, sexually attractive, or exciting towards your husband. It means giving our best to our husband and helping to set a mood for what is to come.
The world has established what sexy is, but our goal is not to try to please the world. Our goal should be to please God and our husband. As we do that we will in turn receive pleasure. What constitutes me feeling sexy may be different than what makes you feel sexy. To ensure that your appearance is the best consider doing some of the following:
- Take a shower, bathe, brush your hair, and make yourself the prettiest feminine best before bedtime.
- Ditch the sweats and t-shirt and buy some nice nightgowns or lingerie, unless your husband likes you best in old sweats.
- In the privacy of our home, or bedroom, let your husband see your body.
- Our appearance during the day sets a mood as well.
- A nice clean bedroom sets an inviting mood.
- Set a mood starting the time he gets home (meals he likes, watch a t.v. show he likes, listen to his car stories, watch a game with him, etc.).
- Stay fit and healthy as you age. We should strive to be attractive and pleasing at all ages.
- Develop your inner beauty to match your outer beauty.
If we have had sex prior to marriage with our husband or someone else we have tainted God’s design for sex within marriage. Admit that and then get to work developing a right view of sex within marriage. When I was younger sexy meant a tight leather skirt, black pumps, and teasing my hair before I went out clubbing. I brought that view into my marriage. Once I became a mom I had no idea of how to be sexy for my husband other than what I was used to. It’s hard to stick on a leather skirt after the kids come. Who feels like black pumps after taking care of kids all day. That really wasn’t what my husband wanted anyway. He wanted the best me and that wasn’t the wild child I once was.
There are ways to stay sexy and sensual when raising kids. With a little thought and effort we can ensure that we feel like a sensual woman and present ourselves as a sexy prize to our husband. Remember the kids will leave one day. You want to be sure you have something left when they do.
My view of married sex came from my mother who used to tell me to always “do it”. It was something I couldn’t keep from my husband. She was right, but her picture of the entire experience was lacking. The Song of Solomon paints a very clear picture of what sex between a husband and wife should look like. The language is erotic and stimulating. We were meant to enjoy this experience, savor it even. Instead of saying we did it we can say, “for your love is better than wine” (Song of Sol: 1:2). Intoxicating!
I remember the days of being so exhausted I could barely have a conversation with my husband let alone please him in any real way. I remember the kids having high temperatures, bad dreams, and stomach flu and letting them sleep with us. I remember sticking the new puppy in bed with us so he would stop crying. I remember living without much thought as to whether my husband was attracted to me for many years. I was a mom. Sex was just something we did once in a while.
Being Christian, or a mom, or anything else should not be an excuse to let ourselves go. It’s not a time to let go and let God. We aren’t supposed to limit sex and hope our marriage will survive. We are to have a healthy sex life with our husband which means enjoying each other in very intimate and personal ways. It means enjoying each other’s sexual pleasure. Within the commitment of marriage we are to explore our bodies and learn what pleases each other. I pray you seek God and ask Him to help you enjoy the freedom of a great sex life with your husband. Go and enjoy.
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