When I hate God. Part 1.  If we were honest about how we feel sometimes.

I am not going to write this to be shocking for shocking sake.  I am writing this because I believe that there are many others like me who feel very real and not so good things about life and God.  I believe that we have real doubts in our walk of faith and that we generally don’t follow God’s command to speak the truth in love.  We follow the much easier religious dictum’s of life that are nice pleasantries meant to “uplift the body”.  Isn’t that what church feels like?  Nice.  What is SO difficult about that for so many of us is that our lives aren’t SO nice.  In fact they are just plain hard.  They are full of pain and suffering and hard times.  On a general basis life just sucks.

Please don’t rush to tell us that it’s all for God’s glory, He will accomplish His purposes, and it will be all for our good.  I in fact believe all of that and that He will do something great, but today.  Today is hard and it’s anything but nice.  It’s why church is so confusing.  Don’t start worrying.  I am going to go.

Hi, Marcy.  How was your week?  Fine.

Ahh look at the cute kids.  I think to myself mine aren’t that cute.

Husbands and wives sit together smiling and praising God.  After 28 years of marriage mine has yet to set foot in church with me.  No, I am not bitter.  I am simply stating a truth.  Yes, God uses it for His glory.

The Pastor talks about family devotions while I worry about what my husband is at home looking at on the Internet.

Wonderful people testify about God’s blessing and I want to rip my hair out and scream are you people crazy?  Aren’t any of you sick of this thing.  I would rather drink five shots of bourbon than live through the mess I got going on.  Yes I love Jesus!  Yes He is my savior and Yes my faith falters and I yearn for instant relief, don’t we all.

Why are we so afraid of honesty in the church?  The minute we are then well-meaning people get afraid and are quick to rebut us.  Are they afraid if we are honest then we aren’t Christians?  Are they afraid that being honest means we are losing our salvation?  The thing is everyone thinks and feels things in their heart.  Stating them is simply a way of getting them on the table so that they can be dealt with.  It’s not turning our back on the authority of Scripture, on God’s amazing grace, on His power to change lives, and on our belief that He in fact is doing something good.  Take God away from it all then what?  Just kill me.  I would not want to live without Him. (too honest?)

Let’s just say it.  It’s what hurting souls long for. There are so many blank faces.  So many lifeless faces.  They are not honest.  Their falseness shows through.  Playing nice isn’t working.  We know better.

If we are honest……

  • I don’t want to stay with my husband
  • I don’t like coming to church
  • God’s purpose sucks
  • God takes too long
  • Why can’t God be clearer, can’t He send an email?
  • I would do so many things different then God.
  • I hate work.
  • I hate house cleaning.
  • I hate small groups.
  • I hate women’s beading things.
  • My week sucked and here is why.
  • I have felt distance from God for several years, no that one verse didn’t help.
  • I could leave everything and not care.
  • I haven’t had sex with my husband for two weeks.
  • Guilt drives me to serve God.
  • Guilt drives me to attend your church functions.
  • Guilt drives me to read the Bible.
  • Drinking is easier.
  • God is powerful so why doesn’t He act.
  • I would rather do drugs than have faith.
  • Ignoring is easier.
  • Our bible reading is going okay though my husband’s pornography addiction does seem to cause some problems.
  • I really struggle with my past abortion on Mother’s Day.
  • Why does he hit the kids after church?
  • It is nice the kids attend church group. I just wish they didn’t cuss so much when they were at home.
  • Church camp was a great experience for her. We are pretty sure she is having sex with her boyfriend though.
  • Our son is on a spiritual journey. Not to find a new church. To discover which god he wants to serve.
  • I am caught up in a life I hate and feel trapped.
  • I had two panic attacks before I came this morning.
  • I am not sure how we will pay off this debt.
  • I hate God for……
  • If God saves why doesn’t He save my…….
  • Why does God let me suffer…..
  • That alter deal doesn’t seem to be working.
  • I prayed and then he left me anyway.
  • I do submit to my husband. He wants oral sex and not intercourse.  Is that okay?

 

What would you be honest about?  A lot?  Me too.

God knows our heart.  We should not be fearful of being honest with very real feelings about life, relationships, and God.  How can we ever hope to deal with them if we can’t be honest?

Many faces I see in church.

Many glazed eyes.

Many who if they were honest could release years of coldness and embrace true life in Christ if the truth were revealed and dealt with.

Many who could radiate the Son of God and stop going through the motions.

Start being honest with yourself.  What do you really believe about your life and God?  Say it to yourself.  Write it down.  It is then we can begin to deal with it.

Upcoming: Part 2: Should I still serve God and go to church when I hate Him, His people, and not living a life acceptable to the church?

Marcy Pedersen

*I did Biblical counseling for 7 years.  Many of the things I write come from my personal life and from what I have heard others say.

2 Comments

  1. Hey Marcy, could it be that your struggle with God is caused by what you are receiving from your church?
    For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him. 2 Corinthians 11:4
    This video might help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJoFjic7Ig4&list=PL8OvSWl3ThvUGxcAqTgoSCJrPSKLG-o2O&index=1&t=0s

    Like

    1. I attend church regularly. I do have regular struggles and wish I could be more honest at church, but in honesty Sunday morning church probably shouldn’t be a place to open up about all of our problems. Many of the things I wrote about pertaining to myself come from now, but over the years. The list I wrote is a compiliation of what I have heard from people I did biblical cousneling with over the years. Thank you for the video and verse and for reading. I will watch it. I appreciate the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

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