It keeps me from doing….everything. It paralyzes, blinds, prevents, limits, takes and is so deeply engrained in me that I have only surfaced it’s depths.
A beautiful blonde with a North Carolina accent made me aware that this was the challenge of my life. To overcome fear. I picked up this stranger from the airport and 24 hours later we were close friends. She listened to me and smiled and two days into our relationship she did what I will forever love her for. She exclaimed that I was fearful, feared people in my life, and had a problem. “You fear them”.
I fear nothing. I was raised to be a strong woman that allowed nothing to keep me from doing what I want! She quizzically looked at me and said, “uh huh”. As I self counseled myself in front of her the realization hit me. I was afraid of everything and though I accomplished a lot I was not living the life the I was supposed to live because I was so busy pleasing people and fearful if I didn’t.
That was six years ago and ever since than I have been on a journey to eradicate fear from my life. It’s subtleness blinds us to it’s effectiveness. I have traveled the world, ran races on my own in 32 degree weather, changed jobs, changed jobs again, started businesses and everything that I thought encompassed being fearless, but fear was pervasive.
It lies to me. He will leave again. It’s been 17 years, he will leave again. My relationship is deeply affected by that constant presence of fear, worry and fret. Preventing me in small and subtle ways from being in a trusting relationship that doesn’t mimic others and from being truly one with my husband.
It panics. You can’t do that, there is this to do. You can’t dress like that, what will they say. You can’t make that phone call, it doesn’t make sense. You can’t try your ideas, because no one accepts them. Panic flows like a mucky slow river that darkens everything. It’s hidden. Preventing you from truly living fearlessly and only those close to you know it.
Its power is unfathomable. Who could measure it? It has plagued my entire life and is in so deep that I do not know if I will eradicate it. Just when I start it gets scared. It reminds me of my responsibilities that are preventing me from doing new things. It screams what-if and punishes me if I don’t listen. It is comfortable because I have allowed it to take residence in my mind and in my heart.
The moment I start to overcome it than it attacks me through other people. It’s easier to see then, but is as potent. Why do you want to do that? That’s not what I would do. There is no time, money, or future in that. Perhaps the most effective technique? SILENCE! Share your heart with someone and receive silence and you will go crawling back to the black hole you came from. My heart has been broken by silence and that person never acknowledging what is so important to me.
F E A R
It can only be overcome by something stronger and greater. It is engrained in us. It’s served us well and kept us safe and it won’t leave willingly. It’s an addicting substance and has sold us a bill of sale that it’s helping us.
Look for it.
Than make a plan for overcoming it.
It’s a stranger in your bed that is there to kill and steal.
Don’t let it.