I Am Glad I Am Married When…..

Transmission fluid shoots up on the back window of the truck ten hours into a fourteen hour trip.

When you decide you do know how to navigate and we take the wrong exit and end up an hour down the wrong road.

When you call the tax check yours because you make more money and work more hours.

When you trade my car in without telling me.

When you admire the hard work I do cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, doing all the laundry, taking care of our kids, working, and going back to school.

When you left the hotel receipt for me to find and I knew it wasn’t me that stayed with you.

When you said it was over.

When you came back for the kids, but not me.

When you threatened to leave again if things didn’t get better and looked at me to do all of the changing.

When you shut us out of your life for seven years.

When you dictated when and how we would have sex.

When sleeping with a stranger would have given me more intimacy than sleeping with you.

I am glad I am married when……

When we aren’t sure where the kids are at night.

When they leave.

When I think of our future without them.

When I imagine family gatherings with grand children in the room and we are suddenly the two old grandparents.

When I think of my last days and I think of yours.

When my heart aches for our youth.

When I think of the first time we touched and the leanness of your youthful body.

When I remember how you made me feel when we met and how you were the only man I ever respected.

I am glad we are married. We couldn’t hurt one another if we didn’t love each other so much. Some days I wish you were gone, but I know what that feels like and that being separated isn’t truly the answer.

I am glad we are married because out of our union we created four beautiful people whom have made my life worth living. We have watched them grow from infants and into adults and though that journey is painful I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I am glad we are married because you are still my guy and I am still your girl.

Marcy Pedersen

 

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