The Hardest Thing to Be: Me

She went with her parents to sign up for classes this week. It’s her second time pursuing a degree. She is interested in radiation. Everyone else is doing it.

Are you going the weekend we do? No. I want to go a separate weekend. Oh, you don’t want to be with us? No I just want to do something else.

Why are you changing jobs? I need a job that will earn more income to help my husband and I accomplish our new goals. Oh, will you have to drive farther. Probably. I helped my husband once. I did some substitute teaching. Good for you.

In subtle ways others presume we will conform to their way of life. When we don’t they question us. Perhaps they are curious or perhaps they don’t understand why anyone would do anything different from them. We can’t let the questions deter us. Keep us from our path. If we do then we become their clones, not ourselves.

I was made with a set of talents and skills. I was given a personality to contend with. I was placed in a geographical area by no choice of my own. This all has culminated to place me in a group of people I work and live with. Within that I set my goals and from that I am driven to dream.

The compilation of life sets us on different paths. The experiences we have mold who we are and drive how we react to life and make future decisions about it. From all this a unique person is shaped. From this me is born.

Becoming Us.

Perhaps the hardest thing to be is me. I mean the hardest person to become is the one I want to be and not the one that everyone wants me to be. People ask questions and in our rush to please people we strive to provide an answer that ensures we fit in, and that is where we lose ourselves.

If I strive to fit in. Answer all the questions right and ensure I am pleasing others then I wouldn’t have changed careers, left my church of ten years, gone back to school to get my MBA, started blogging, take continuing education classes at a local college, read the books I read, and do a long list of other things that I do. Why? It doesn’t fit in.

In the milieu of loving and serving others I am to be who I was created to be. I am to be a person who has a foundation outside of others and allow that foundation to ground my decision making. I am to stay the course and when the questions of doubt enter my heart and my head I am to rely on my foundation to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.

It sounds something like this? Do you recognize it?

Why are you working overtime? I am not.
Why are you going back to school? I can’t afford it.
It’s nice you want to downsize. We were going to, but…
You should stay where you are. It’s not right to leave that church.
We don’t want you to leave. We will miss you.
I won’t be able to see you anymore.
Wow, I have never taken any classes.
It’s nice you write. I have cute hobbies like that.

Subtle doubt. It kills more dreams and ruins more lives than we care to admit. Our goals and dreams never get a chance to make it past first base. They die because of fear. They are scorched because someone simply asks a question or makes a comment.

Do you want to find joy? Happiness? Feel free? Find you and be you. If you are living someone elses life then you aren’t living. Be you. I will be me.

Marcy Pedersen

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