When was the last time that you grabbed a blanket, headed toward the back yard, and just hung out in your back yard?
When was the last time you heard someone say, “hey, this weekend. Yeah, we are going to sit outside and enjoy the back yard.”?
Trusting God is difficult. Life is fraught with anxiety, worry, and concerns. We read our Bible, and pray, but in reality it’s hard to imagine that He is really working on our behalf.
More news came today. I thought it was some answers to the questions I have been praying about, but a short discussion with my husband revealed that I was still in a waiting mode. I don’t have all the answers. I need to wait.
But what about the money? What about changing jobs again? I mean I can’t keep doing this? Where am I supposed to be? Why isn’t God revealing it in a clear way?
The darkness of my not so past depression keeps pulling at me. Despair, despair. It sneaks up on me during the day as I look inward, and not upward. It lies to me. You will never move forward. You miss them. Your life isn’t the same. You are not where you should be, you are not where you should be.
Tears start to roll down my face. Pull it together Marcy. You are at work.
Oh but then there is hope. Oh thank you Lord. A glimpse of the past that I loved. Counseling others. There is nothing I would rather do than to sit in front of another person, and help them get through life.
Oh, but then home. Bills, repairs, that mid-life crisis is waiting, we are confused, hurting, happy, frustrated, and just a mess. There are the reminders. Life isn’t what it used to be like. Remember? They aren’t home. Life is different, lonely somehow, and quiet. Sadness overcomes me. I am reminded of all the strife, and trials of life.
A Blanket & the Back Yard
Something about sitting on a blanket in the back yard serves as a healing balm to a hurting soul.
I can feel the grass. It’s as if I forgot that it existed.
I can hear planes pass overhead. Ahh, movement. Someone is going somewhere.
I lay down, and begin to discover a world I forgot existed.
Patches of grass look like mountains compared to the bugs and crawly things that live inside.
I can see blades of grass. The are intricate and unique.
I suddenly can’t remember the last time I stared at the sky. I forgot about gazing at God’s pasture, what about His sky?
I immediately turn over and see an array of clouds. They move with grace. Waves of beauty in the sky. I wonder where He is. What are you doing, God? Are you with me? Are you somewhere out in the universe? Are we but a speck in your eye?
I look to the right, and see a cascade of clouds. As if You painted them. Painted them to adorn the sunset sky. Are you there? What are you doing?
And I remember. God has been taking care of the sky, and the pasture all this time. Without my gaze, or interest, He has continued to provide for the smallest creatures of the earth, and He has continued to paint the sky as a display of His power and might.
You have taken care of these small bugs. Then yes, you will take care of me. The Scriptures begin to come to life in my heart. I pick up my laptop to write this post, and am stricken by the fact that my problems seem so far away. They are there, and waiting, but for the moment He is greater.
A blanket and the back yard. A healing balm to a heavy soul. A reminder of the beauty and provision of God, and a way to awaken God’s word in our heart, and mind.