Twice in the past few months I knew that if I said the wrong thing my marriage would be over, and I wasn’t sure I cared. Something in me said be careful. You don’t want to end it based off of heated emotions. You have made a 27 year investment here. Be careful.
We weathered the first storm, and we are weathering the second.
He is going through a career crisis, so am I.
He is sick of where we are in life, so am I.
He is sick of the house, the mowing, the bills, the debt, and is ready for change, so am I.
In some ways the fact that we can go through this together is a beautiful thought. We were married in our early 20’s, and have matured and grown together. Now as we face mid-life we are trying to figure out everything all over again. We are struggling not to take it out on each other, but oh my dear friend how we need to see we are friends, not enemies.
We drag ourselves out of bed each morning, and look at each other like I can’t do this again.
As we walk through the house we are reminded of the kids that are there, and those that aren’t. The memories of a time passing by haunt us. We aren’t sure if we want to celebrate the empty nest, or grieve because of it.
We think of the upcoming weekend, and dread enters our heart and mind. Yeah, I’ll clean, you mow, and I’ll get the bills paid, and then get groceries. We are still where we have always been so after that we can work towards finding something exciting to do in rural America.
Then on Monday we can drag ourselves out of bed and start all over again.
With all our hearts we want change, but the more we want it the more it alludes us. We have hope that life will become about us again, but then there are those precious four children. We want our lives back, but we miss life with them. Trying to move forward is excruciating when we feel constantly pulled back.
Sometimes, it’s just about moving forward, and doing so without it making any sense.
I made you coffee this morning, because I know that somewhere inside of you is the man I fell in love with. I know that we have to clean, mow, and pay bills. I know we are both in a career and life funk, but you know let’s do this thing together. Let’s get through this time, and look forward to when we get things figured out again.
You know we started off this life together without a penny to our name, no common sense, or understanding of the decisions we were making. We got through those first years one day at a time. Taking care of everyday things propelled us forward, and we somehow can look back at twenty seven years of marriage.
The everyday things in life are propelling us forward. If we didn’t have them we would be stuck, and hopeless. Today, today let’s take care of what we can take care of, and then tomorrow let’s do it again, because you know, very soon we will get through this stage of life, like we did before, and will be on our way to a new and re-defined life. The best my friend is yet to come.