How NOT To Ruin You Marriage: Don’t Bring The Past Into The Bedroom

The truth is many of us get married having not followed God’s instruction to save sex for the intimacy of marriage. God is faithful to forgive our sin, and treat us as if it never happened. When we get married we can rest in knowing that we can start over, and develop a special sexual relationship with our spouse.

Though our sin has been dealt with we have not forgotten it. Our past sexual experience is a part of us, and we can easily bring it into our marriage if we are not aware of it. It’s important to remember that the habits we developed with past lovers, may need reviewed and relearned with our spouse. A healthy of awareness of this will help us develop an honest and healthy relationship with our spouse.

After the wedding, and honeymoon period, reality often hits. In the end life becomes about bills, work, trials, more bills, work, then children, stress, a lot more stress, and just a lot of life. Reality isn’t exciting, is rarely fun, and often leaves us wondering why we entered into all of this in the first place. It’s okay. This is normal.

We aren’t in the movies. When I had young kids my cute nighties changed to sweats and t-shirts. I wore my hair in a ponytail for like forever. I used to wonder if I would lose my identity as a woman altogether. I didn’t, but let’s just say that our nights in the bedroom rarely looked like a steamy movie on the Lifetime Channel, and instead like the Dawn of the Dead.

So what do we do? We don’t give up. We take our past seriously, and understand how it could affect the present and our future. We realize that there are consequences of our sins, accept that, deal with them, and move on. We don’t wear t-shirts and sweats to bed, and always make going to bed at night a pleasurable experience.

We need to understand that the movies depict moments of passion and excitement, and that everyday life is about perseverance, trial, dullness, and exhaustion. We grow old, gain weight, lose weight, lose hair, get sick, and often don’t match up to those lean hard bodies we see on the big screen.

God means for us to have exciting, passionate and pleasurable relationships with our spouse. Within the bounds of marriage we are free to explore and enjoy each other. We must work to build moments of excitement in our marriage, and do so in a way that works for us, and glorifies God.

Now go. Get the past out of your bedroom, throw the sweats away, put on a cute nightie and enjoy your spouse.

Marcy Pedersen

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