How will we define our lives after raising children?

Just go back to how it was before.  You had a life before kids.  So just do that.

Well I wasn’t a Christian before I had kids.  I drank and partied all the time.  I went to the church of Marcy, and worshiped her.  I did what made her happy.

We lived together a year before we were married.  Life calmed down a little bit then.  Mostly because we were broke paying for an apartment and didn’t have the money to party.  Yet we found creative ways to sin in our self induced poverty.

I got pregnant, we got married in August and then had our first baby in February.  We had all of five months as a married couple before we started raising children.  I think it’s safe to say we didn’t have a life before kids.  At least not a life that is worth emulating.

Even if we did, we are a lot older, and have grown and changed.  We grew up as we raised our children and are different people.  We can’t automatically go back because we aren’t the people we used to be.  We have raised four children, and that has changed us profoundly.

Something happened along the way that we should have prevented.  We stopped growing as a man and a woman and just concentrated on being mom and dad.  Now as the kids leave we don’t know who we are.  It’s been about our careers and about the kids.  We forgot who we are.

We also forgot about us.  I am not just talking about date nights.  I am talking about stoking the fire of romance, working hard to maintain the same physical passion we had for each other when we met, and growing as a couple.  “We” doesn’t have an identity.  “We” meant us and the kids.  It didn’t mean just “us”.

So how will we define our lives after raising children?

Will we continue to define our lives around adult children and one day grandchildren?

Will we grow our relationship and become “us” again?  I hope so.

Is it too late to have wild nights in the bedroom?

What about you and what about me?  Who are we as a man and a woman?  Is it too late to find out?

Perhaps the adventure is just getting started.  An adventure where we learn about who we are at this time of our lives, and what we want to do with our time here on this planet.  An adventure of growing as a couple and becoming “us” again.  Where we rekindle passion and zest for our life together.

Mid-life is not about going back.  It’s about going forward.  It’s a time of re-discovery.  I can’t go back and be an unsaved twenty something who lives for self.  I can be a saved forty something who lives for others, and follows my Lord on the adventure He has prepared for me.  There is no going back.  Only forward.  This time the Lord will lead the way.

Mid-life musings,

Marcy Pedersen

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