I lost my way three years ago. I got side tracked. Too much change, grief, sadness, disappointment, shock from life events, change of job, change of church, ministry burnout, leaving full time ministry, new job, career transition, and on and on and on.
An event happened in my life a month ago that sent me over the edge. Just when I thought “I” had things under control I was wiped out. My first thought was, let’s end this. I can’t go on, but God had another plan. I can’t tell you the amazing work He is doing in my life. We are close again. He is a sweet aroma to my nostrils, a gentle guide, a loving Father, a wise counselor, and a patience Lord.
I don’t know what you believe about God, and His control over the world and our lives, but the following quote from John Newton sums it up for me.
And his faith upholds him under all trials, by assuring him, that every dispensation is under the direction of his Lord; that chastisements are a token of his love; that the season, measure, and continuance of his sufferings, are appointed by Infinite Wisdom, and designed to work for his everlasting good; and that grace and strength shall be afforded him, according to his day
I was reminded today that the disappointment, heart ache, pain, and difficulty of our lives are under the loving guise of God. He is Father. He is so loving. I am beginning to see how He is using all of this to renew my relationship with Him, and today, I am so thankful and excited about the life He is building.
You know, though the pain and uncertainty are still there, they pale in comparison to Him. My joy has been restored, because my gaze is upon my Lord. Do whatever you will Father, for today I know that it is good for me. Today I am yours, use me.
Nothing matters but You. Nothing matters but You.