Communication, Marriage & TV?

This year we celebrate 27 years of marriage.  My husband celebrates the arrival of an empty nest and mid-life.  In fact he is like a young man again.  Dancing around, singing, and enjoying life.

I on the other hand am struggling with these transitions, but desperately want to be giddy like my husband.  To help me do that I am reading,

First Years of Forever

To be honest I bought the book three years ago at a used book store.  I thought I would give it to my oldest daughter when she got married that year, but what young wife wants to spend her first year reading.  So I kept it.  I think the book was actually meant for me.

I want to re-discover what it feels like when I met my husband, and all I wanted to do was spend every moment with him.  I want to re-capture that feeling of ‘when do we get to be together’.  To help me do that I thought a book for newly married couples would help, and it is.

In this book the author’s talk about communication.  The book was written in 1988, but still a good one, and refers to the affect that tv has on marriage.

“the TV itself, that noisy box in the corner of the living room, has become an equal–an essential–partner in many marriages.  Even when it’s turned off, there’s that blank screen waiting to rejoin the conversation or to monopolize ones’–or worse, one’s spouse’s-attentions”

Now add our smart phones, computers, laptops, and gaming systems and we can see how this problem has escalated.  In 1988 we were just worried about tv, and now we have added a plethora of distraction.

Old books are good books.  I recommend this book to people who aren’t married yet, newly married, or who have been married for a long time.  Marriage is just tough, and in constant need of care.  This book has solid biblical principles and can help us all discover God’s plan for marriage.

I would also recommend considering how you and your spouse can stay connected.  You know we had our computer in a separate room for the kids to play on.  This past weekend we did a little re-do and moved it into the family room where the tv is.  My thought was let’s get us all together in one room.

Yet when we are all together we are either watching tv or playing on the computer. I am not sure how much good communication happens then.  We do enjoy each other and have fun, but we have to be careful that we don’t consider this our only time to talk about life, problems, dreams, goals, and the important stuff of life.

One simple step we took last night to combat this was to take our dog Toby for a walk.  As my husband and I went outside to walk him our 16 year old son emerged from his computer cave.  We said come on.  Family time.  Guess what?  He came!

It was simple, it was fun, it was free, and it was a few minutes where we all focused on each other, and were able to talk.  I hope you will check out the book and I hope you will consider how to find time to talk to your spouse and family apart from any electronics.

Living and learning,

Marcy Pedersen

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