Church Just Doesn’t Fit My Style

Someone told me this today.

If you can’t find something that is catered towards who you are, your styles, your shape, your genes, your way of thinking, you feel out of place, miserable, unhappy.  God opens  a place for us to be free in Him and happy with how He has made us, so that’s where we need to go.

This person was referring to several areas in their life, but specifically mentioned their struggle with church.  My church doesn’t fit me.  I want to be with those “other” kind of people.  You know.  People who support my dreams, goals, and desire to be creative.

For a moment let’s piece this apart.

There is nothing wrong with wanting others in your life who support your goals and dreams.  We may not fellowship with believers who understand our goals and desires.

We may be in a church where we just don’t fit.  Perhaps we do need to consider finding a church that lines up with our theology, worship style, and has opportunities that match our spiritual gifts and talents.

But if we look at the above paragraph we see a pattern.  What do you see?

You can’t find

Who you are

Your styles

Your shape

Your genes

Your way of thinking

You feel out of place

There is an evident pattern I am afraid.  There is a pattern of thinking abut self.

We are a free in Christ to live a life that glorifies Him.  We are free to follow His commands, and pursue our dreams and goals, as long as they aren’t contrary to Scripture.  If they aren’t then go!  Start that business, create your art, travel, create, and dream of what you can achieve.

But church, church isn’t about us, or isn’t supposed to be.  We are there to serve and be fed.  We are there to gather with other like minded people and do this thing called the Christian walk.  A group of people who are others focused, and concerned with displaying Christ.  Right?

Listen I am the last person who should write this post.  I have struggled with church for many years.  I attend, but have been hurt, dismayed and disappointed in the church.  For a while I thought this way.  There aren’t people here who support my career goals, my life goals, or understand my desire to create and pursue art.  I need to find a church that does?

Yet God has taught my rebellious heart to stay, be calm, and give Him time to heal.  He has taught me that I am not at church to be served, but to serve.  I am there to fellowship with like minded people.  People united first by Christ.  If we are united in that we can stand together.

You know I want to blog and help others.  No one I go to church with blogs.  That I know of anyway.  I want to travel around the world, and am making life decisions to give me the opportunity to do that.  Many of the people I know don’t share that desire with me.

You know what it’s ok.  Church is about Jesus Christ, and God, it’s not about us.  It’s a place where we share in hearing God’s Word, and then we leave letting that mold and shape our different lives.  It’s where we come together for corporate worship after a week of individual worship.

It’s about God equipping His people for a mission He has placed in their life.  When we leave God expects us to live out our life following His ways, but in a way that is a expression of who He made us to be.  In our personal lives we can find people who share our style, shapes, genes, and way of thinking.

My response to that person today would be you know church isn’t about fitting our style, it’s about God.  It’s just not about us.  You know I haven’t always provided the best example of a church member.  I let my hurt feelings and disappointment prevent me from focusing on God.

I am thankful for God’s grace and the work that He is doing in my life.  I see now that I just need to be connected.  I need to focus on Christ and what He wants to do in me and through others.  It’s about loving others, encouraging them, and being in fellowship together.  It’s not a support group for artists, it’s a fellowship of forgiven sinners who are enRoute to heaven.

For His glory and because of His grace.

Marcy Pedersen





  1. I’ve tried attending mismatched, ill-fitting, churches before. Sunday after Sunday, I’d see that joyful, peaceful glowing look on the faces of those who were uplifted by singing songs they loved, praying prayers they enjoyed, listening to their favorite Bible stories as they whistled the chorus to their favorite hymn on the way to their cars in the parking lot. Sunday after Sunday, I’d walk away feeling a little less happier and a little more miserable than the week before as I’d just sang songs I’d hated, prayed prayers I didn’t understand, and listen to Bible stories that didn’t sit well with me. Now there’s nothing left. I know I’m not missing anything and that no one misses me. So I switched my hours so that I get to work on Sunday mornings – I know that’s breaking a rule and that I’m a bad Christian, but it’s far better than the alternative of going to church. At this point it’s more of a punishment than a privledge, one I don’t feel like subjecting myself to just yet.


    1. I too have struggled and continue to at church. I see it as a journey. I often don’t understand why I can’t be happy at church, and participate like other people. I have struggled for over 5 years and don’t understand it. I spent the past year visiting numerous churches to find something that fits and haven’t been able to. I am not where I want to be in my life, in my church life, and in my career. So I am trying to make the best of where I am until I find what does fit. You sound like a great person. I hope that someone misses you. Sounds like you are on a journey as well, and I wish you the best in finding your way. I wish you the best. Thanks for your post. You have taught me a lot.


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