A House Divided: When the Wall Gets Punched

What I am writing happened two hours ago.  It’s fresh, and it hurts, but already God is working to heal and restore.  I wanted to share because I think it’s important for us to share about our real lives.  Not just some nice Christian ones you read in books.

A credit card purchase was made.  Without me knowing.

I confronted.  Loving, and not loving.  I accused.  You are a liar.

And then?  That set my spouse off.  We started yelling, and he got so angry he punched the wall.  Something which I think he regretted immediately.

He threatened to punch me if I didn’t quit mouthing him.  Now I wasn’t really afraid.  He’s not an abuser, but I heard that threat two hours ago, and now and now I write.

We kept fighting, but we also kept talking.  Something that we didn’t used to do.  Before we just kept fighting.  This time we talked in between our shouting.  Clarifying things.  Sharing things.  We had to do some things for this to happen.

Get over our hurt feelings.  As we fought, we were saying nasty things, but we kept communicating even though we were hurting each other.  This was key to maintaining communication.

We didn’t go and hide.  Thought he wanted me to.  I kept at it.  I admitted my wrong, and was quick to say I was sorry.  That helped calm things down.  Good move.  I also didn’t go in the other room like I like to do.  I worked through my emotions.

Now we have two upset teenagers.

We are emotionally drained.

I didn’t hear a I am sorry, but I did hear from someone who never shares his feelings.

I did get a hug.  The closest thing to a sorry I have got in a long time.

We are in the same room.  We are working things through, talking, and realizing that we are both tired with life.  Not each other.

I really don’t have a lot of godly spiritual advice for you.  All I can say is keep on going.  I would hope that if my husband was a Christian we would ask he other for forgiveness, pray together and read God’s Word together.  Yet, I have known and counseled Christian couples who never did that, and had worse problems then we do.

God was with me tonight.  He strengthened me, and gives me peace.  God is in control of my life, and I know that He protects me, and that He can save my husband.  My job tonight never changed.  To show grace, mercy, compassion, love and Christ.  Did I do that perfectly?  No.  Did I try?  Yes.

God is good.  This too shall pass.  God can use any emotional pain my children have to love and teach them.  They need that.  God has used every situation in my life to help me, and I know He can help them.  It’s that part of their lives that they have to get on their own.  I will try to teach them through this, but ultimately it’s between them and God.

I pray that one day my husband is saved.  I know when He is God will be greatly glorified.  I know that my children will truly believe that God does great things.

“While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

I reviled and hated God, and while I lived in sin, He died for me.  Can I now love my husband while he is yet a sinner?  Yes.  As Christ did for me, I will do for him.

Never give up.  Your are not alone.

Your friend,

Marcy Pedersen


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